randomly random

randomly random

It is so incredibly strange how weird it is for me to be a sophomore. It was a crazy hectic week with start teams and the leadership training. I feel like I didn't get a break at all. I really loved every moment of it though, I wouldn't trade it for anything really. At first I didn't really have the right attitude towards it, but once the freshmen showed up it totally changed me. God is continually stretching me. It's a weird and scary thing. All these things I never thought I could do, or was good at, he is showing me I can do it. Alone, by myself. I don't need anyone else's help. I don't need to rely on my room mates, or my parents or anyone anymore. Every time I thought I wasn't doing a good job, there was someone who came along saying how good they thought I was at leadership or how happy they were that I was a leader. It was just a little confidence booster I guess. Doing all the same things on start teams as a leader is so weird, because it doesn't feel like I've been at school for a year. I defiantly would not trade it for anything. I love watching freshmen and being like..woah that was me last year. I wonder if I looked as young as some of the freshmen do .

The first couple days back at the forge I was dealing with some home sickness. I thought I wouldn't have to because I am used to being here by now. But that wasn't really the case. Im doing alright though. Classes started and im loving every second of it. My course load is not a lot at all because I took those summer classes. I am really excited about tomorrow because I have 2 psychology classes. I love learning. Anyone who says they don't like to learn or read really has problems. I just want to learn my whole life. Everyday I want to learn something new. I am blessed with the opportunity to be here and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am so excited to see what God is going to do.

As of lately I have been having a hard time finding the line between standing up for myself, and being walked all over. In the past people have accused me of being mean, or blunt or whatever. I thought I cured that for a while. I sometimes just have a hard time finding the line. It really is a fine line. I don't really know what happened, I was never afraid in the past to stand up for myself. Sometimes I guess I'd rather just hold things in then confront them to avoid drama or hurt feelings. I guess there is always a nice way to say something. I mean I shouldn't feel bad for sticking up and fighting for myself. If I don't do it, then no one else really will. I guess this is the beginning of another lesson. I can't wait to see the outcome.

Another thing that's been on my mind is that I really really love being single. I don't think I would trade being single at this point in my life for anything right now. There is just such a freedom in being single that you don't really appreciate until you are well-single. I loved doing ministry this past week without worrying about a boy. I love being at college and not being consumed with finding 'the one', chasing down boys, all my time, effort or emotions being caught up in a relationship. I am at school for an education and to grow in the Lord and I love that. I am so happy with who I am and being free and single. Every girl should feel the way that I do. A lot of girls here are so worried about graduating without a fiancé or boyfriend. I honestly am expecting that. I don't care if I am single when I graduate. I'd almost prefer it. It leaves more options open for grad school and where I can go without feeling guilty or doing long distance or feeling tied down. There is more to life then worrying about getting married or whatever. I guess im just really enjoying life right now.