california dreamin

As of lately ive been thinking alot about dreams. Not the creepy ones that happen when you sleep...but ambitions,desires and goals i have for my life. I have so many things i want to do in my lifetime, but how do i know if its what God wants for me? I know he places things in our heart what he wants us to persue, but which ones do i do? I dont want to live a normal life. I dont want to go to college, get married and then settle down, have kids and just work or something like how most of the population of todays culture does. I want to do so much with my life. I want to travel and see the world, i want to be on a mission feild somewhere, i wanna go to CFNI and IHOP to do worship stuff,learn another language, go on a surfing vacation and just surf amazing beaches for a month, write a book, live in colorado, i want to do awesome ministry things, change the way christians are viewed in todays society, change the way the gay community views christians, save marriages, prevent abortions, go to grad school, get a phD....so much! I feel like i have so little time to do it, or even TRY to accomplish some of those things.

Often times we pray for 'open doors' or a direct 'yes' from God when asking for a direction, but why do we do that? Why dont we just go and do it! If God wants us to do something he will let it happen. But realistically, when would i ever have time to do all this? And i always forget that these things cost a lot of money. I mean God did place all these things in my soul for a reason right? If he didnt want me thinking about them i dont think he would have placed them there. The ability to dream is a blessing and a curse at the same time, it makes me passionate and excited about so many different things but at the same time makes me view reality in a harsh way, knowing that more then half of my dreams will never get to happen. I'm only one person, a tiny person...it will be merely impossible for all these goals to be accomplished successfully by myself.


...His love is boundless

im a garbowsky!

im a garbowsky!

Its quite amazing what God can do in a year. Double that and make it 2 years. I was honored to play on an amazing worship team for about a year and a half with amazing talented worshippers. Its funny the life cycle, i got really upset going to school, having to leave my team, but i came back and we just grew so much. Pastor walter decided to move on, and my beloved ministry is over. God really does have seasons for everything, i would have not met the amazing people i did if it werent for Upper Room. I would not be who i am today if it werent for that, i grew emotionally, musically and spiritually. Its really hard to seperate from a team whom you worship with for hours, more then once a week. When we are in the Spirit its like our souls join together to worship the Lord..its hard leaving that. Im sad to see everything end but im also really excited to see what is next. There were some really really amazing words spoken over the team tonight and this past week. Im excited to see how God is going to send us all out in different directions. He already has sent us out seperatly, melanie being at christ for the nations, me being at valley forge, matt and pete working full time, jubin doing jericho falls, julie still in highschool where she is ministering to her peers by her lifestyle...im sure the worship team isnt over...we always seem to find each other and find time to worship together.

Well my title is true, im a garbowsky for a week. Im crashing at julies because i am teaching adorable kidergardeners this week at VBS. Ill be alone most of the time cause julie is working so call me to hang out! (Ill be in jersey for the next 2 weeks, one week in south plainfeild, the next week at my shore house..call me!) Thats another thing im also excited about cause they are so cute and eager to learn about Jesus! Im praying that this week God will teach me to have child like faith- who better to learn from then children! im sure i will have lots to say about this week. I was at church for over 14 hours today doing worship, what an amazing (but extremely exhausting) time....i have a new found appreciation for bands who go on tour, having to play shows every night for a really long time, then sleeping on a bus and having to wake up and do it all again the next day, what an exciting but very exhausting life.

im extremely delerious at this point....i've been up since 7, played piano and sang for 9 hours and only had a chicken sandwhich the whole day. I think its time to turn it in....





......His love is boundless

3 is the magic number

What an amazing week. As it comes to an end, ive just learned so much. On sunday i was really dreading doing VBS for a whole week, and now its actually almost over! i cant believe it, and i loved every second of it. After 3 years of doing VBS this year was definatly my favorite. I loved being in a classroom and teaching the kids, and building a relationship with them. I love children cause they are so forgiving. Its almost unbelieveable, i really want to be like them. This one boy, brandon, is crazy insane and he literally bounces off walls, jumps off tables and just in general doesnt listen. We've yelled at him and everything! Yet at the end of the day he always seems to give me a hug or smiles and tells me he will see me tomorrow. Children are just so willing to learn, and want to know everything! Thats why they always ask "Why?"

In the book of Matthew, Jesus talks about rank in heaven, the disciples ask who is going to be the best? Jesus says people who are most like the children. Why? because of their humility and faith. Children are so humble. They really have no sense of pride at all. They dont mind being silly cause its just so much fun! They dont really care if they dont know you, they will be themselves and make themselves look stupid cause they dont care! They dont mind leaping into your arms when you tell them to jump because they know you are going to catch them. Its amazing really. They do things without question..I love childrens honesty also, its so funny. They dont mind being honest cause they dont mind getting embarrassed.

i loved tonight and how Aimee, a 5 year old girl who isnt even in my class came up to me and sat next to me and started talking about why there are different languages in the world, and how that happened? Then we started talking about hair, and her family. Its stuff like that, that only happens when a child is there, and i love every second of it.



can you guess which one brandon is?






......His love is boundless

loser

God said im a loser

This weekend i was at the beach, for the first time since last year. It brings me undiscribable joy whenever im there. I always feel so much closer to God. It sounds silly but its the truth. I can sit for hours upon hours just listening to the sound of the ocean waves crashing. It blows my mind to think about the sand on the beach. Each grain of sand. I love watching the sunsets over the bay. It amazes me how wonderful a painter God can be. He decides what color the sun sets every night. I love realizing the beauty of God just by observing His creation. How he makes everything bloom on time, how He makes the stars shine just the right amount, how He chooses the colors of the sunsets, and how sometimes He makes the fluffy white clouds look like bunny rabbits just to make me smile. He is so Majestic! What a wonderful artist. Think about the creativity He has placed in each one of us. The art that we create is just a reflection of something he already did! Its just so cool to think of God as an artist. Just think about all the animals in the world, how God created each one to be so different. Thats why I love reading Genesis, though i wish sometimes it was more detailed, but what a poweful God we have, that He just speaks things and BAM, its there.

Lately God has been showing me what a loser i am. I am such a dumb human sometimes and I dont diserve His love. He is such a faithful provisioner. He blesses me with things i dont diserve at all. Sometimes my flesh gets the better of me, and I dont want to spend time with Jesus or pray or do anything..but He showed me that just because I stop, it doesnt mean He does. He continued to bless me in the times i really didnt want anything to do with Him. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the guy said the best thing to do with God is to be honest with Him. I was tired of huge things in my life changing and me not being happy, but time and time again He continues to remind me that He is constant and never changing. He is also a gentleman and will not force Himself upon me when I told him I dont really feel like talking to Him sometimes. In my stupid human selfishness..he is still faithful and wonderful to me. I am learning how to thank Him for everything he has given to me, and to realize i had nothing to do with any of it.










...His love is boundless

prince charming?

was doing some of my childrens literature work today. I realized what every woman in americas problem is when it comes to men. We live in this fantasy world of fairy tales. A ton of single girls my age are "waiting for their prince" Let me ask you- where did that whole idea develop? I guess it was as kids, dressing up in princess costumes- or maybe it was watching and reading disney movies? Where did the idea come from that one day a prince charming is going to ride in on a white horse us damsels in destress will be rescued, and live happily ever after? I think when i have children- if they are girls, im not going to tell them dumb princess stories or let them watch movies. im going to teach them about their real Prince and how much He loves them how they are princess' of a real King. I dont want them growing up and have this unrealistic thought of how an earthly man can come sweep them off their feet, and satisfy them and can be enough to live 'happily ever after', cause no man on earth will ever be enough for them, or for me.
I was reading some random girls blog the other day of her 'ideal man' and what she wants in a man. I actually chuckled a little bit when she listed "i want a man who will never hurt me" but how unrealistic is that? I mean yeah hopefully in a relationship or even in friendships someone doesnt try to hurt someones feelings but living in a made up world where a man will never hurt you? I mean call me cynical or whatver but thats just unrealistic. My parents have been happily married for going on 22 years on friday. They hurt each other feelings and stuff, But thats a part of marriage... and life! If you are going to list qualities you want in a man at least make them realistic.....

my other thought is like- well at least in christian schools the girls are kind of good at not dating. you hear a lot 'im waiting for God to send me the one" well, now a lot of guys have taken on this same attitude..so if the guy is waiting, and the girl is waiting..when will they ever meet if everyone is just waiting?

those are my thoughts about that....comment if you have any other thoughts.


...His love is boundless

recorded thoughts

Sometimes i wish there was this thing that can record thoughts in your mind. like a tape recorder but you dont have to speak into it. The best times for this would be really early in the morning or really late at night, at the stage 2 portion of sleep where you are just getting into the sleep cycle. I remember thinking last night- right before i drifted into deep sleep that i should become a vegan. Why did i say this to myself? I dont really know. They are just my random thoughts before going to sleep i guess. I bet there were funnier things that were thought- but no one will ever know, because they were not recorded.


peace and love

a womens heart

I posted this on my old myspace a while back. i ran into it again tonight so here it is...
So, you finally told her how you feel. Congratulations, you finally did it. You conquered your fear, gathered your courage, and whispered in her ear, "I love you." Good for you. Then you stood there and waited apprehensively and expectantly for her response. More than anything, you wanted to hear her say, "I love you too!" Maybe she did, and maybe she didn't, I don't know. But here's something I do know- you told her you love her because you do, and you expected to hear it back. I mean, you deserve it, don't you? You made friends with her, got the point across to her that you liked her, asked her out, took her on a few dates, bought her a few dinners and movie tickets, told her you think she's beautiful, possibly brought her some flowers, maybe even held her hand or kissed her. Finally, you told her that you love her. Now, after all of that, you deserve to have her heart and her love, right?

WRONG! Hey, mister, do you have ANY i dea what you've just asked for? You've asked for one of the most precious things in God's creation- a woman's heart. Somehow you think you deserve it because of all those nice things you did for her. Sorry, but that's not my idea of deserving. Don't get me wrong, those those things are great, and of course you should do them. However, I don't think that such easy and trivial things make you deserving of her heart. What does then, you ask? Protecting her, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually too. Be a man and GUARD her heart, don't be a thief who tries to steal it. Be a guardian of her heart and her purity. Take care of her, Always have her best interests as your priority. Do what's right and what's best for her, even though it may cause one or both of you pain. Guide her and nurture her spiritually, ad make sure you never do anything to come between her and God. Find her inner beauty, listen to her, try to understand her, bring out only the best in her. Put her above yourself. Last, but not least, love her not only for what she does for you and how she makes you feel, but simply for who she is. Then, my friend, you may be worthy of a good woman's love.

In the book passion and purity, elizabeth elliot talks about things like this. She also said a man does not diserve the right to tell a woman he loves her until he is ready to make a commitment to her (the commitment being marriage) Sometimes i feel hopeless for the women of my generation. Its really sad that the young christian men of today dont really understand the concept of how precious a womans heart really is. They should want to guard it, protect it and keep it pure, not steal it, play games with it, and 'see what happens as we continute dating' it. It seems like its only one in a million that really virtue such a gift. Its not all the guys fault though, i do blame the majority of girls my age for not really caring about their morals and their precious heart. Its the emptiness in their heart that they feel needs to be filled with attention from guys, constant hook ups or just drawing unnessicary attention to themselves by wearing or doing unacceptable things. its only in Jesus do we find true love, acceptance, satisfaction, approval...anything. a womans heart (and soul and mind) should be so burried in God, that a man must find God to seek it. Ladies- I encourage you to bury yourselves into the heart of God. Let him romance you daily, and love on you like no other man can. Completely emerge yourself in Him.


To find a womans heart, a man must seek the Lord.



......His love is boundless

Question-

Dictionary.com defines a blog as

intr.v. blogged, blog·ging, blogs
To write entries in, add material to, or maintain a weblog.

I think of weblog and i think of a data sheet or charts that have important information on it. Blog is more of a journal or diary. So then why isnt it called a bliary or a blournal?

..think about that one.