life is just awkward

September already? How did this even happen. Im not sure. Well in a couple more weeks I will officially be in school for a month. One whole month. The time really does go by fast. I try to enjoy every single day because the college years are something you can just never get back. God has already shown me so much within the past couple weeks of being here. One of them was the start teams. I was thinking about it today how I was terrified of doing it. Im not one to make small talk, I never was, especially with total strangers. Me and my room mates were talking about it the other day and they said with the people I am still friends with on my team, I can be totally myself around them. Its really weird because I haven’t known them that long and I can be myself around them. Anyone who knows me knows that I put walls up. My room mates said with start teams I really didn’t have time to put my walls up. I wanted them to feel excited and comfortable at school so I tried to be as myself and as crazy as possible instead of the held back guarded person I normally am. It felt really good to by myself around strangers that I now call my friends. I guess that is something I have to learn how to do more often. I also liked that I now feel I have the ability to make small talk with anyone. It sounds silly but I just never could or knew how to. I don’t feel as intimated now to go up to some freshman and sit with them at lunch and just talk to them, where as before start teams I would have never been able to do that. My mom is really good at that kind of stuff and I admire her for that. I could never do it. Its not that I don’t have an interest in that total stranger who is standing in front of me, I guess I am always worried that I say something stupid or it just becomes extremely awkward. But as of lately im realizing my whole life is one big awkward moment.