what.

I never thought i would be one to fear failure. I was never the person to think that i was incompetent. Lately i feel like my whole life has been consumed by fear. It has never been so bad to where i literally and physically start feeling fear at the most random times. In this case it was 6pm at a local pizza place. I started to feel really nervous and afraid. I never thought i would constantly be consumed with the thoughts of 'what if'...
what if i go to college and dont get a job after graduation
what if i am in so much college debt i cant do anything financially
what if i dont go back to college, then i'll never get a job
what if i never figure out what i want to do with my life

It seems that lately i haven't been living. Living in a sense where people say 'live everyday to the fullest, as if its your last'
i havent been living. ive just been surviving. i forget what it feels like to live and to dream. My dreams have died from my cynicism and my goals have been shot down by my pessimism.